its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
