why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
