I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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