True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
