She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
