i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
