we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
