Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
