Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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