I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize