Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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