I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
