I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
