I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
