You can't motorboat a personality
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
