I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
