You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
