She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were destined to go to rehab together
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
