I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
