I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
