wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
