i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize