Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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