Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
