So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
