I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
