you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
