Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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