Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize