Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
