i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
