youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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