Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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