I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
