I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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