Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
