I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
