I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
