Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i will never coherently bang her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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