3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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