Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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