Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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