I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish I only lived at night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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