I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
