Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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