can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
