We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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