I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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