We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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