I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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