Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
