We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just pee around me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
