She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
