I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
