Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
