At least make sure they are 18
Why
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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