One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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