I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
