soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
