her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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