I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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