FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The adults are the big ones right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
