Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
