I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
