thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I want is dick and wine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
