I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize