I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
being pregnant is like rehab
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
