I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
