Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
