I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
