K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
