New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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