YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
