you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
