I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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