I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
