Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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