I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
