God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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