Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
