My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize