I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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