This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
