So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
