I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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