Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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