I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
