I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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