i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
