Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize