I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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